PARENT TALK

Research findings in education and ways to help your child - Volume 2001-4

Sharing

Volunteer of the Year

Volunteers are so valuable that we honor them every year as Volunteers of the Year. These are people who have given their time over many years to the work of the organization that honors them. They have shared their time and energy for the good of the community.

Marla was one of those people. As a teenager she helped initiate and staff a hotline for teens, giving troubled youth a place to talk about their problems with alcohol and drugs. In college she shared her time with a little sister in the Big Sister Program. Later she volunteered at a day care center for the elderly.

"I have time and health," she said. "I can share what I have."

The very fact that organizations honor volunteers in a public manner shows our belief that sharing is a character trait that we admire in our society. The person who shares some of his gifts gets the respect of his fellow citizens. It is our common belief that a good person shares his or her gifts and resources.

Voluntary sharing, therefore, marks the respected citizens, because they donate something they are not required to give. If we are forced to share, as we are when we pay taxes, there is no virtue in that. Sharing is a difficult attitude to develop, especially in young children. But through talk, example, and planned action we can gradually develop this important belief in our children. How? Here are examples:

1. Use slogans.
- We must give back some of our gifts.
- Share with those less fortunate.

2. Build attitudes through example.
- Regularly take goods to agencies such as Goodwill and St. Vincent de Paul.
- Contribute money to health research or to a church.
- Volunteer to clean a section of highway or a park.

3. Ask your children to donate.
- A toy or some clothes to a charity or to a needy family.
- A couple of hours to clean an elderly neighbor's yard or to read to someone in a convalescent center.

By doing and repeating these types of activities, you work on the mind, the heart and the action centers of your children's personality.

Mostly, we associate sharing with the giving of money, clothes, furniture, and perhaps the giving of time. But we can also share information and good will or optimism.

When we share information, we share a resource that is as valuable to some as food or clothing. Just think of the valuable hints that you have received about cooking, neighborhood schools, places to shop, tax information, doctors, ministers, and so on. Translate information sharing into the lives your children lead and recommend to them that they can help people by sharing

- Games to play
- Parks to play in
- Fun books to read
- Shows to watch
- Teams to join
- Programs to lift your spirit

Don't forget about good wishes. You share your optimism when you wish good to someone - health, safe travel, happy holiday, happiness for the future. Often these wishes are expressed as everyday courtesies that you give to friends and schoolmates. They may also show up in your prayers. You are sharing your belief in a higher power when your prayers say take care of my friends and give them

- Good health
- Peace after a tragedy
- Happiness
- Success on tests
- Safety

Admittedly the easiest things for children to share are material goods. As concrete thinkers, children understand better the giving of goods and money. But do not sell them short. If they work to find information for a friend, they will begin to appreciate the value of sharing ideas and good will.

My Sharing Checklist

Here is a way to work through examples of sharing with your children. Ask them to add as many examples from their experience as they can imagine. Start with any group, such as neighbors, and give examples of what they might share in time, dollars, information and good wishes.

People and Groups		Time	Money	Information	Good Wishes
Home	Brothers & Sisters
Neighborhood	Neighbors
Friends	Personal
	Classmates
School	Teachers
	Custodians
Associations	Churches
	Clubs

Regina and her ten-year-old son carry on a conversation by posting notes to each other on a bulletin board in his room. "Charlie, Thanks for clearing your toys off the floor." "You're welcome, Mom. Can I have Braden sleep over this Saturday?"

Not that these conversations couldn't and aren't also said in person, but their written conversations are special times for them together, distinct from what happens with other members of the family.

Written conversations may be as light-hearted as you want or they may be long term discussions of issues where you each need time to reflect. With a little prodding, you can gain allies among relatives, especially grandparents. If they know that you are working on character development, many will help you if they are asked. They can...

- Tell personal stories, glories or disasters

- Send books with notes: "I know you are working on learning to share. This book will give you some good ideas."

- Share thoughts: "Let's exchange our best thoughts. Here is mine I am enclosing an envelope so you can send me your good ideas."

Kids love to pass a conversation journal back and forth. Try a short journal that gives each member of the family, including distant relatives a chance to write something and then return the journal. My Galaxy from the Family Learning Association is an example of a short journal where many family members can add a paragraph about their memories and their dreams. See the next page for details.

Letters to and from grandparents

Encourage grandparents to write to their grandchildren and to share in encouraging them. Give them books of sample letters and ideas that they can copy or imitate. Just the ticket for this purpose are "With Love, Grandma" and "Gotcha, Grandpa." They show adults how to write to children of every age and interest. They make excellent gift books. For details about the books, see the next page.

Why self-correction helps sharing ideas

We all want our children to put their ideas on paper and to share them with important people in their lives. But once they have laid their words on paper, they want to make sure that their reader understands their message. There are three basic things for -every letter writer to do:

1. Re-read and learn to spot unclear sentences and confusing words.
2. Ask another to read and to point out unclear statements.
3. Make changes as indicated.

A parent-friendly guidebook on writing is "Improving Your Children's Writing Skills" from the Family Learning Association. This book gives guidelines and practical activities, especially aimed at helping children learn to read and to clarify their own papers. See the next page for details.

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