PARENT TALK

Research findings in education and ways to help your child - Volume 2001-3

Honesty - "The Best Policy"

How do we teach it to our children?

Instinctively we protect what belongs to us, and we punish those who take what does not belong to them. In earlier times, horse thieves were hunted and hanged because they stole an extremely valuable property, that is, an animal that helped its owner survive.

According to Moslem law a thief would have his hand chopped off. In the Bible we are told to cut off our own hand and to pluck out our eyes if they lead us to steal another's property.

In some states, a person can get life in prison for kidnapping or for rape, both forms of stealing - stealing a person and stealing a person's sense of safety. Thus ancient and modem laws put tremendous weight on protecting an individual's property, integrity, and ideas.

Yes, even ideas are considered personal property. We have patent and copyright laws to protect ideas. In schools, there are regulations against cheating, a form of stealing ideas or of trying to represent yourself in a dishonest way. When students cheat, they are representing themselves as having ideas that they do not own.

We have many words with ugly connotations to describe dishonesty: lie, cheat, steal, slander, plagiarize (literary thief), con, dupe, and so on. If we instinctively guard our things, our ideas, and our reputations, why do others energetically try to take them from us. I suppose laziness and greed cause many dishonest acts. Thieves seem always to want more than they presently possess, and it looks easier to take from someone else than to work for it themselves.

Related Words associated with HONESTY

In your conversations about honesty, use many other words that point out the meaning of Honesty.

- Truthfulness: telling or disposed to tell the truth.
- Sincerity: the quality or state of being sincere.

Honesty of mind: freedom from hypocrisy.

- Honor: a keen sense of ethical conduct.
- Fairness: marked by impartiality and honesty.

Free from self-interest, prejudice, or favoritism.

Ben Franklin reminds us: "Honesty is the best policy." If honesty is so important, how do we develop a sense of honesty in children? Consider these techniques:

1. Keep asking questions of children to clarify a situation.

- Are you sure? Tell me again how it happened.
- Give me more details. Will Jacob's mother be home?
- How will you get the answers if you do not understand?

2. Praise your children when they tell the truth, especially in difficult situations. "You did the right thing. Thanks for making me proud of you."

3. Talk about honest and dishonest acts as they occur around you: "How awful for Mrs. Jones to have her wedding ring stolen. I wonder who the low-life thief was?"

4. In schoolwork encourage your children to do their best. That is all you expect. They don't have to cheat because then it is not their work not their best. "I'm proud of you and you must be proud of yourself because you are doing your best work."

5. Do not tolerate petty theft. "I want you to return the gapes that are left. Then apologize to Mrs. Allen for taking grapes from her yard without her permission."

6. In your child's mind build an image of an honest person: "You are a fine, honest person. You get better all the time and your teachers and friends, are glad to have you around."

A model of persistence

If your children are ten or above, have them think about this series of events in one man's life, and ask them if they can decide who it is.

1816 His family lost their home.
1817 His mother died.
1831 His business failed.
1832 He ran for the state legislature and lost. He tried to go to law school but could not get in.
1833 He started another business which was bankrupt by the end of the year.
1834 He ran again for the state legislature and won.
1935 His fiancé died and he was heartbroken.
1836 He had a nervous breakdown and stayed in bed for months.
1838 He ran for speaker of the state legislature and lost to someone else.
1843 He ran for U.S. Congress and lost.
1846 He ran for Congress again and won; made a name for himself.
1848 He ran for re-election to Congress and lost.
1854 He ran for U.S. Senate and lost
1956 He asked to be nominated for Vice President and was rejected.
1858 He ran for the Senate again and lost again.
1860 He was elected President of the United States

Who is this persistent man?

This remarkable sequence of events gives all of us hope as long as we show perseverance. This man is our hero of the month, Honest Abe. And he is now revered as the best President we have ever had. In a poll conducted in 2001, American citizens listed Abraham Lincoln as their favorite president.

His honesty didn't always win him friends as his record of defeats indicate. But the strength of his character shines through the events that are listed above.

In the past thirty years, two American Presidents lost their public reputations because they lied to cover up their evil acts. As a result of being caught in their lies, Richard Nixon resigned from his presidency, and Bill Clinton had impeachment charges brought against him. When the history of American Presidents is told, their dishonesties will mark them and disgrace them.

Another American President, Abraham Lincoln, best known for the Emancipation Proclamation that gave freedom to slaves in the United States, earned him the nickname that we still use 150 years later. He is known as Honest Abe.

Lincoln merited his nickname because he spoke directly and truthfully about the issues that he met. He can serve as a model for children. His story is retold in many children's books, and you and tour children may enjoy reading and discussing some of the adventures that led to his being called Honest Abe.

Honesty becomes more real when children imagine themselves in the middle of a situation. Try telling little stories that involve an issue of honesty and then ask them to tell you how they would handle it. Here's an example:

Abbie told Nicole that she had $5 and would treat Nicole to a freeze drink. When they arrived at the ice cream store, Abbie left Nicole standing by herself and started talking to someone else, but she left her purse on the table. Nicole got mad and opened the purse where she found only one dollar. She took it and ordered herself a small drink. When Abbie saw what happened, she was very angry because Nicole had taken her only dollar. Then Nicole got mad because Abbie had lied to her about having money for both of them.

How would you handle these issues?

Barbara Jordan - Hero of Character Education

Jordan, Barbara Charline (1936-96) Lawyer, public official, and educator. Barbara Jordan is an excellent example of honesty in America. Born in Houston, Texas on February 21, 1936, Jordan has become one of the most decorated African-American women in American Politics.

Barbara Jordan Chronology
1936 Born Barbara Charline Jordan on February 21 in Houston, Texas
1956 Graduates magna cum laude from Texas Southern University
1959 Graduates from Boston University Law School
1966 Elected to the Texas State Senate, becoming the state's first black senator since 1883; gains support of President L.B. Johnson.
1972 Elected to U.S. House of Representatives; assigned to House Judiciary Committee
1974 Gains national recognition with televised speech during impeachment hearings on President Richard M. Nixon
1976 Delivers keynote speech at Democratic National Convention.
1979 Retires from public life; becomes professor at University of Texas, Austin.
1993 Appointed by President Clinton to chair the U.S. Commission on Immigration Reform
1994 Receives the Presidential Medal of Freedom
1996 Dies in Austin, Texas on January 17

Books an Barbara Jordan

McNair, Joseph D. (2001). Barbara Jordan: African American Politician. Child's World. ISBN 1567667414. Traces the life and work of this African-American woman who was a respected politician, teacher, and spokeswoman for democracy.

Patrick-Wexler, Diane (1996). Barbara Jordan. Raintree Steck-Vaughn. ISBN 08 17239766, 081149794 1. A biography about Barbara Jordan, a U.S. congresswoman from Texas who worked toward helping poor and minority citizens.

Roberts, Naurice. (1984). Barbara Jordan, The Great Lady From Texas. Children's Press. ISBN 0516035118. A biography of the Texas lawyer and teacher who, among other achievements, served three terms in the House of Representatives, the first black woman ever to be elected to that office from the South.

Carlson-Johnson, Linda. (1990). Barbara Jordan, Congresswoman. Blackbirch Press. ISBN 1567110312, 0823912019. Surveys the life and career of the black woman from Texas who became a lawyer, state legislator, and member of the United States Congress

Barbara Jordan Quotations

"What the people want is simple. They want an America as good as its promise." - Harvard University Commencement Address, June 16, 1977

"One thing is clear to me: We, as human beings, must be willing to accept people who are different from ourselves." - Article entitled "All Together Now "from Sesame Street Parents, July/August, 1994

"If the society today allows wrongs to go unchallenged, the impression is created that those wrongs have the approval of the majority." - Remarks at a symposium "The Johnson Years: LBJ: The Differences He Made."

A Cheater's Bonus

Jeff was hired by a neighbor to rake leaves off his lawn. Mr. Brown said he would pay Jeff $6.00 an hour. Shortly after Jeff began to work, Mr. Brown left the house to run some errands. Jeff worked for an hour but Mr. Brown had not returned.

Jeff rested for a while then he got an idea on how to make more money. He finished all the yard except one small corner. Then he sat down where he could see Mr. Brown when he drove into the driveway.

An hour later Mr. Brown returned and Jeff immediately hopped up and began raking the last of the leaves. It took him ten minutes. Then he told Mr. Brown that he owed him for three hours work.

Jeff smiled as he left with $18. He thought he was pretty clever to make a two hour job turn into three hours worth of pay.

Read the story to your children then discuss it. You may want to spread the discussion across several days.

- What will Jeff do the next time he gets a job?
- Should Mr. Brown have stayed home? Why?
- Do you think Jeff will tell his friends about how clever he was? Why?
- Any other thoughts about Jeff cheating Mr. Brown?
- How do the kids you know lie about their work - in school - at home?

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